How to Help a Friend

Worried about a friend you think may have a problem with drugs and alcohol?
Some signs that it’s a real problem can be:

• She is using regularly and has to use drugs or alcohol to have a good time or cope with everyday life.
• He starts hanging out with new friends who will do drugs with him or who can score drugs for him.
• She shows up at school drunk or high or has skipped class to use.
• He’s broken plans with you, or showed up late, because he was getting high or drunk.
• She shows little interest or drops out altogether from activities she once enjoyed, like sports or music.
• He uses drugs or drinks when he’s alone.
• She has driven in a car while high or drunk, or has ridden with someone who was.
• He borrows money from you to buy drugs or alcohol, or asks you to hold his drugs for him.
• You feel like you must babysit her when she is high or drunk to keep her from doing things she might regret, like having sex or getting into a fight with her parents.
• He’s having difficulty with family relationships and letting his family and friends down.

To find out more about your friend’s behavior, you can take this online quiz from freevibe.com.

What to do?

If you decide to sit down with your friend and talk to him or her about his or her drug use or drinking, you may not know what to say. You wonder how she will respond. Will he get defensive? Will she deny she has a problem? Will he get mad and tell you to mind your own business? It's likely that he or she will. People with drug or alcohol problems usually defend their use or make excuses for it. It's hard for people to admit to themselves that they have a drug or alcohol problem.
Some ideas for how to talk to your friend:

• Start by telling your friend how much she means to you and that you are worried about her.
• Give him examples of when his drug use or drinking has caused problems or affected you or others.
• Let her know that you want to help and tell her what you will do for her.
• Discuss this issue when your friend is not high.
• If you aren't comfortable having this conversation with your friend by yourself, get some other friends to help out. Be careful not to "gang up" on your friend.
• Try talking in confidence to an adult that you trust before talking to your friend. There are many people that can help you figure out the best approach &emdash; like a trusted family member, teacher, coach, school counselor, family doctor, or faith leader.
• If you are not comfortable talking with your friend face-to-face, try writing a note or e-mail.

Finally remember that talking with your friend is only the first step. It may take several conversations before he or she understands how serious you are about their drug use or drinking. Don’t give up if he or she doesn’t stop after your first conversation. Your friend may need additional help to face his or her drug or drinking problem, like talking to a counselor or getting treatment. Tell her that you’ll help her get the help she needs, and then follow through.

For examples of how to address your friend’s drug use and drinking and to hear from kids who have been in your situation, go to www.freevibe.com.