Our mission is to unite the Anderson Valley community in efforts that promote community health through grassroots organizing to reduce the presence of drugs in the community and prevent youth substance abuse.

Parenting: Talking about Drugs

The best thing about this subject is that you don’t have to do it well. You simply have to try. If you try, your kids will get the message. That you care about them. That you understand something about the conflicts that they face - that you’re there when they need you. The alternative is to ignore the subject. Which means your kids are going to be listening to others who have strong opinions about the subject. Including those who use alcohol and drugs. And those who provide them.

Accept Rebellion

At the heart of it, alcohol, drugs, wild hairstyles, trendy clothes, ear-splitting music, and outrageous language are different ways of expressing teenage rebellion. That’s not all bad. Part of growing up is to create a separate identity, apart from parents—a process that ultimately leads to a feeling of self worth. A step along that path is rebellion of one kind or another—which is to say rejecting parental values, and staking out new ones—you did it—they’re doing it—and that’s the way it is. The problem comes when kids choose a path of rebellion that hurts them, destroys their self worth, and can ultimately kill them—that’s the reality of alcohol and other drugs.

Don’t Get Discouraged

When you talk to your kids about drinking and drug use, it may seem as thought nothing is getting through—don’t you believe it. The very fact you say it gives special weight to whatever you say. But whether or not your kids let on they’ve heard you, whether or not they play back your words weeks or months late, keep trying.

Start Anywhere

“Have you heard about any kids drinking or using drugs?”

“What have you heard?”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Why do you think kids drink or get involved with drugs?”

“How do other kids deal with peer pressure to use alcohol and drugs? Which approaches make sense to you?”

“Have you talked about any of this in school?”

However you get into the subject, it’s important to state exactly how strongly you feel about it—not in threatening tones—but in matter-of-fact, unmistakably clear language:

“Drinking and using drugs are ways of hurting yourself.”

“Alcohol and drugs take all the promise of being young and destroy it.”

“I love you too much to see you throw your life down the drain.”

Some Do’s and Don’t’s

The do’s are as simple as speaking from the heart. The biggest don’t is don’t do all the talking. If you listen to your kids—really listen and read between the lines—you’ll learn a lot about what they think. About alcohol. About drugs. About themselves. About the world. And about you. They’ll also feel heard and that, too, is a step along the path towards self-esteem.

There are other do’s and don’ts: Don’t threaten. Don’t badger them. Don’t put your kid on the spot by asking directly if he or she drinks or has ever tried drugs. They’ll probably lie, which undermines your whole conversation.

If you suspect your child is drinking or on drugs—there are all sorts of symptoms—that’s a different matter. Then you’ve got to confront the subject directly.

In the meantime, just talk to them.

They need to know how you feel about the subject.

And whether you care.

This article was written by Denny Hutton, Health Information Specialist County of Sonoma, Department of Health Services, Prevention and Planning Division

Did you know? The majority (88%) of AV High School Students DO NOT smoke cigarettes.*
*from AVHS California Healthy Kids Survey 2010